Datorez multe Roxanei după ce a aruncat în twittosfera, întâmplător, pagina care mi-a arătat cam cât de pervers aş putea să fiu fără să îmi fi dat seama vreodată. Cred că sunt câteva zeci de mii de comentarii acolo; când am deschis-o prima dată şi am citit începutul am zis: Gata, asta merge în tabul To read (pe motiv de dezordine a deficitului de atenţie, ffs). Câteva zile mai târziu, înainte de culcare am zis să iau ceva de somn uşor, aşa că am început să citesc. Asta era pe la vreo 5, cred. De atunci m-am tot ţinut de gură să nu izbucnesc într-un bwhahahahahahahha de-ăla sinistru de fiecare dată când citeam cele mai tari poveşti sau comentarii. De culcat m-am culcat pe la 9. Oricat m-am chinuit eu nu am reuşit să dau gata tot textul, dar pot face uşor un best-of de care vă veţi plictisi cu siguranţă dacă nu mă cumpătez la lungime. Să spicuim, dară - citiţi pe riscul propriu!

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face. Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much. permalink

Double facial! Recycled facial!

NEW ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Three words. Anal sex. Pinworms.

Maybe not as gross as the OP's story, but it's fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom. permalink
Reminds me of the time I pulled some beads out as she was climaxing. I pulled them out like I was trying to start a lawnmower. Later, as we were lying in bed talking, is when I noticed the feces bits along the wall and curtains. permalink

So this one time I'm having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.
Then about 9 months later a fucking little human being comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!
The little fucker is still living with us. permalink

Nothing tops the Jolly Rancher story.
Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action.
He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it...but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn't want to offend her though because he hadn't seen her in months...so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn't do much to help.
In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her... and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only...it wasn't the Jolly Rancher.
It was a nodule of gonorrhea.
As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a fucking Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth...
He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and fucked some random guy and the stupid bitch had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though.
So now, Steve is freaking out that he now has gonorrhea of the mouth and God knows what else. permalink


I work in an emergency room. One time we had a patient who had a colostomy (for those who don't know, this is a surgically placed hole in the abdomen where shit comes out of after the colon is rerouted away from the ass)
Anyway, some girl comes in once with an infection in her stoma (abdominal shithole). Turns out it was gonorrhea. Her husband had been cheating on her, picked it up and had been fucking her in her stoma permalink

So you saying he was getting a little in... on the side?

Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you. That is more than nasty. That doesn't even belong here. Take that shit back to hell with you you evil bastard.

I was in a band in college and we played a show this one weekend. I was pretty smashed after drinking for free all night, and this surprisingly cute chick saunters up and started with the whole, "oh my god, you like write songs and stuff?" Despite the fact that I am usually a bit shy in situations like this, she had her arm around me and is doing all the work. "Fuck it, let's do this," I think to myself. While she is mid-sentence, I grabbed her hand and started walking her out the door.
We headed back to her apartment, and things started to heat up. We were on her bed, ripping off eachother's clothes. Suddenly, in one swift move, she pounced me, knocked me onto my back, jumped on top of me, spun around and started sucking me off, 69 style. I was totally into it, and started reciprocating. Only a few moments pass before I felt a tap on my forehead. My face was fully between her legs, yet there was this tap tap tap on my forehead. Every couple of seconds, tap tap tap. This tapping continued and started to take me out of the moment. I pried my face from between her legs to get a better view of what was going on. To my horror, I witnessed, dangling from her asshole, a fucking tape worm, bouncing like a fettuccine noodle with every excited movement she made. I was totally disgusted, but kind of in shock, and she had no idea what is going on, just gobbling away down there. Before I knew it, I had thrown her off of me and I was stringing together a long series of "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" as I put on my pants and ran out the door. permalink

Technically a threesome then, eh?!
I was hoping he wouldn't say it was a penis, now I wish he did.

I particularly enjoyed the tapeworm. You?

 
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Sus?